I used to be afraid of thinking long term.
When my boss asked for my 5-year plan, I froze.
When I tried to imagine my romantic partner, I got restless.
When I needed to plan a retreat or a course a year in advance, I panicked.

At the time, I didn’t even think it was a problem. I told myself: “Why plan so far ahead? Anything and everything can change.”

Life is fleeting, temporary, unpredictable.

So why commit to something a year or five years in advance?

What does it mean to live in love?

This question keeps circling in me.

Does it mean I need to see everything as beautiful?
Does it mean filtering the world through pink-tinted glasses?
Does it mean loving everyone and everything, no matter what?

It sounds sweet, doesn’t it? A little tempting, even. Part of me wishes I could love everyone and only see the beauty. But if I’m honest with myself, I don’t think it’s possible. And probably, it is not the way to truly bring us closer—to one another or to ourselves.

The Noise in Our Heads

Looking back, I can see it wasn’t just about planning.
All this resistance, all these excuses, were driven by the restless nature of the mind.

The mind is noisy. It jumps from one thing to another, always searching for the next experience, terrified of missing out, afraid of failure and disappointment.

But that endless running around only makes us miss what really matters, what our hearts truly long for.

The True Essence of Spontaneity

I find that when I’m clear and still, I can actually notice when a strong call comes from the heart, when something resonates deeply. And if I’m lucky, I listen and respond.

Maybe this is the true essence of spontaneity:
Not obeying the narration of my mind, but listening to the present moment itself.

For example, last year I signed up for a retreat six months in advance. At the time, I was already at another retreat with the same teacher. I felt so touched, so inspired, so moved by her teachings that I just knew. Without overthinking it, I said yes.

The Doubts That Follow

Of course, once I got home, life happened.

Fears crept in. Other opportunities appeared. New interests popped up.

I even caught myself thinking: “Had I not signed up, I wouldn’t go.”

One part of me was still drawn to it. But another part started resisting:
I could really use the money.
I don’t know if I’ll have the strength.
What if I don’t feel safe with the people there?

The resistance was so strong that I even forgot my passport at home.

And yet… a few hours into that journey, I was incredibly grateful for that one spontaneous moment of decision.

Choosing with Courage

Every choice we make means letting go of other possibilities. But if we listen to the heart, if we choose with courage, we open ourselves to magic.

And it doesn’t really matter how life unfolds afterward. What matters is staying with the exploration of that choice.

That’s what keeps us in sync with life, awake, aware, and centered.

We can only notice the flow of the river if we stand on one of its banks. Instead of being swept away by circumstances, we can stay grounded, not ignoring the changing currents but noticing them, exploring them, and discovering the stillness within.

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